Tasha Does Tulsa.

Today’s post comes from Tulsa-based blogger Lauren McKinney. Lauren blogs at Fiddlepit, a blog about embarrassment, traffic cones and life in Oklahoma.

I’ve lived in Tulsa, Oklahoma, for a long time, but I can count on one finger the number of times I’ve been to a rodeo. Still, I feel like an expert. In fact, I’m pretty sure I know quite a bit about rodeo. You think I’m joking? Ask anyone. Or, just take a look at these rodeo lingo definitions I wrote and see for yourselves.

Mutton Bustin’

Participants are required to watch and wait for a sheep to commit a crime. A simple misdemeanor will do. The cowboy must then arrest and handcuff the sheep – this is the tricky part – and recite to the animal its Miranda rights. To speed up the process, some mutton busters will attempt to lure sheep into perpetrating an illegal act, such as vandalism. Cowboys hire young, sexy ewes to provide lewd suggestions and/or spray paint. Once the arrest is complete, the rodeo crowd yells in unison, “Aw… BUSTED!” Young MC’s Bust A Move then plays over the loudspeakers.

Cutting Horses

Stylists-to-be recruited from local beauty colleges compete in a mane-styling tournament. Participants may cut, color and/or curl the mane in order to achieve a presentation that best exhibits their artistry and skill. The hairdresser who produces the most fabulously coiffed philly takes home a blue ribbon.

PBR

Once a year, something big comes to the BOK Center. Surprise! It’s a huge can of Pabst Blue Ribbon:

Mmm. PBR.

Chute Dogging

Highly skilled canine competitors pair off and play the classic board game Chutes and Ladders in a tournament-style event that lasts a full day. All breeds of dogs may participate, but help from humans is not allowed. This event is typically sponsored by Milton Bradley. Biting out of frustration at landing on yet another effing chute space is strictly forbidden.

Goat Dressage

This event is specifically for children (sometimes referred to as a pedia-rodeo event). Boys and girls have the opportunity to hone their sewing skills and create three looks for their pet goats: One for casual portion of the competition, another for evening, and a third for swimwear. Beyond hand-crafting goat couture, competitors must select coordinating accessories and cosmetics. The trick to accomplishing this in a way that will impress judges is by making sure to pick items which the goat will not be tempted to nibble during the fashion show. Competitors then walk their goats down a long runway three times to show off their fashionable creations, with each run including a sassy spin and/or Zoolander-inspired camera stare. Judges rate each ensemble and average the three scores to come to an overall goat dressage rating.

What rodeo terms have always left you clueless? Tell me in the comments and I’ll be happy to demystify all that which eludes you.

PLUS!

Taking the Wool By the Horns, an adventure in mutton busting and rodeo culture at the Broken Arrow Round-Up Club Arena.